Blog: The Disturbing Dreams of the Unwell
I had overdone it today, and worked out in the heat far more than was healthy for me. I did what I could to alleviate the sensation of chills one second, and feeling like I'm engulfed in flames the next, but without much success. Finally, I took several containers of lukewarm water to my room, and tried to "sleep it off". I think that was a mistake, overall.
One of the more unpleasant things that occurs to me when I'm feeling sick is that I experience very vivid, often disturbing dreams as I sleep. Unfortunately, unlike most dreams, these don't fade into "unrememberance" upon waking. And oftentimes, these dreams seem to have some sort of "theme" associated with them. Today's dreams (yes, plural) were what I would have to call "responsibility" dreams. This is how the second one went.
When one describes a "lack of sensation", no touch, sight, sound, smells, etc., people usually conjure up in their minds some sort of nondescript "greyness". Except that there was no color at all. There was just me. I was everything, and everything was me, but there was nothing there at all. I was non-existing such for a brief instant that lasted eons. Then it began.
Imagine for just a moment that you've suddenly gained the ability to see, observe and experience everything, everywhere, all at once, from the tiniest microbes living in the fabric of your clothing, to the mightiest supernova in the most distant galaxy in the universe, and EVERYTHING in-between. Now imagine that, as all of this information is assailing your senses in the briefest of moments, that you suddenly and completely understand that everything you're experiencing is intimately connected to YOU!; that, were you not who, what, where, and when you are, things would be vastly different. Then the details begin to separate, and you are "shown" specific examples of this phenomenon.
I was sitting on my back porch, chatting with a friend and having a cigarette, as was she. A small puff of smoke drifts my way, lazily wafting on the breeze. I come to the acute understanding that this tiny particle of smoke is bound for a specific location, and I watch it's progress. But as I'm watching, I exhale slightly, and that action perturbs the intended path of this particle of smoke, altering it's course, and causing within me a nearly painful "shift of reality", and nothing is ever the same again.
Then I'm driving home from going to the store. It's getting dark, so I turn on the headlights. This flushes a jackrabbit out from the side of the road, and it begins to dart across my path, some 50 feet ahead of me; plenty of room for it to safely cross the highway. But as the truck nears, a tiny rock is caught up by the tire, and it "shoots out" from underneath in such a way that it makes a noise like a bullet's ricochet, which startles the rabbit, causing it to change it's path of travel at the last second. I'm forced to watch as the horribly obvious course of events unfolds, and the rabbit's life is taken from it.
Instance after instance like these assault my senses for what seems like an eternity, hundreds and thousands of them, an eternity of things being shown to me, but yet when I awake, and find myself free of this hellish existence, only a short time has elapsed, and I'm left, completely shaken by the entire experience. To call the dream disturbing it to so completely under-describe the event as to call the Himalaya mountains a set of small hills. All I can say now is thank God it's over, at least for now.